I'm Offiically to Old for Star Wars

5/23/2005 6:42:40 AM
Yep, it's true. I saw the new Star Wars flick on opening night as part of local Microsoft event (nope, would not have spent my own money or time to see it opening night) and came away knowing I had officially outgrown Star Wars. I would summarize it by saying its the best of the three new movies, actingg/dialog was as bad as expected, and the special effects alone are worth seeing it on the big screen. But after that, it has become clear that my sensibiliities to science fiction have matured to the point that there are some things in Star Wars that I just can't get past when watching the movie. I know, its a movie, but still...
  1. Talking robots: Now I am not talking about C3PO and R2D2 since their "talking" is a pillar of the Star Wars experience. But why, oh why, do combat droids talk to each other? Come on, in an age of faster-than-light travel why do the combat droids look at each other and actually speak!!! I almost puked everytime one of those droids would say "Roger Roger". Two Rogers? What? Not only do they need to verbalize communication rather than use a high-speed ultra-broadband quantum encrypted wireless connection, but they have to use error checking by saying it twice!!?!??
  2. Get R2 a Gun: Seriously. R2 has had to use that pathetic little electric stun gun thing so many times you would think someone would have clued in and decided to mount a blaster in his metal hide. The first couple times he used it in the original movies it was ok since it seemed to be out of the norm, but R2 mixes it up with such regularity now it's time to outfit the dude with some serious firepower.
  3. Grevious was Ridiculous: Why does a combat cyborg, a general no less, have a robot body constructed in such a manner that the sole remains of his organic body are just dangling exposed like so much jerky in a smoke house? Dumb dumb dumb And what purpose did those organs serve exactly? Could they serve any useful purpose all shrivled up like that and exposed directly to airborne contaminents?
  4. Yoda Turns Yella: So Samual Jackon's character (Windu or whatever his name was) basically takes the Emperor for 10 rounds and has him on the ropes before Young Skywalker interferes. But Yoda, the most powerful of the Jedi, can't defeat the giant frisbee chucking Sith and in the end turns yellow and runs off to hide in his swamp. "Crap robe and run I did" should be Yoda's catch phrase.
  5. Labor Unions Still Rule: At the end of the movie we see Darth and the Emperor staring at the skeleton outline of the Death Star. The Death Star is just completed when the original Star Wars movies starts. So it takes something like 18+ years to build that thing? It only took them a few years to build the next one that was blown up in Return of the Jedi. You would think they could build stuff a lot faster with all the robots and such. Of course, the robots probably needed frequent breaks to talk to each other.
There is more, but those were the biggies.

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Jeff Brand Jeff Brand

This is the personal web site of Jeff Brand, self-proclaimed .NET Sex Symbol and All-Around Good guy. Content from my presentations, blog, and links to other useful .NET information can all be found here.

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